Islanders urged to seek help for coercive control

Jersey's government is raising awareness for a lesser-known form of domestic abuse with a campaign about coercive control.

85% of domestic abuse survivors say they have experienced controlling behaviour according to a 2023 Violence Against Women and Girls report.

A new government campaign to raise awareness and educate Jersey on the issue centres on coercive control.

It can range from someone stopping their partner from seeing their friends and family, to preventing them from posting on social media or telling them how to dress.

Home Affairs Minister Mary Le Hegarat says the first step for victims of coercive behaviour is identifying they are being abused.

"Quite often people might not realise they're a victim of [coercive control] and from our perspective we really want to be highlighting to the public what it is.

"If someone identifies themselves as a victim, we would like them - if nothing else-  to talk to their family, friends or colleagues about it and speak to one of the agencies that can help."

 Home Affairs Minister Mary Le Hegarat

Jersey's Domestic Abuse Law now includes coercive control as a specific offence. The Home Affairs Minister says it is often overlooked as a form of abuse and people do not often know it is happening to them.

The government says coercive control includes, but is not limited to, financial control, control over someone’s appearance, social control and limiting contact with loved ones.

26 offenders in Jersey have been handed notification orders and the police recorded 105 offences under the updated Domestic Abuse Law, which took effect in June 2023. 

There has also been a 44% increase in the use of Clare’s Law following a successful campaign.

READ: Clare's Law: Number of islanders using domestic abuse disclosures nearly doubles

Superintendent Alison Fossey from the States of Jersey Police says the force recently launched our Policing Plan for the next four years, and tackling violence against women and girls is one of the key areas of focus for us this year.

"Among other things, we are building on our response to, and investigation of, domestic abuse and implementing an action plan to ensure we exploit the new law to its fullest.

"There still remains much to do, but islanders can be confident that States of Jersey Police take all and any alleged offences which relate to violence against women and girls seriously."

Samantha's Story

Domestic abuse survivor and VAWG advocate Samantha Billingham was coercively controlled for three years and within two weeks of her relationship she was persuaded to move into her abuser's flat.

She says she was suffering in silence because there were no physical signs of abuse in the beginning.

"It would start with something as simple as 'don't go and see your mum tonight' and 'if you loved me, you'd stay'.

"It became that I saw my mum less and less. When I did see her, there were consequences I'd have to pay.

"I got ready to go out one Friday night and I got dressed up in my favourite outfit because it made me feel good, he told me I looked like a 'tart' and a 'slut'.

"Before I'd even got into the pub I was bombarded by so many texts and phone calls saying things like 'why have you gone out dressed like that? and ' 'if you loved me, you wouldn't leave me on my own'.  I didn't manage to drink any of my drink and I went straight back to the flat."

Samantha was a legal secretary when she met her abuser, who told her she only managed to get her job by 'sleeping with her boss'.

"One morning he locked me in the flat we shared together and threw my phone out of the seventh floor window.

"I managed to get free two days later and the first place I went was my place of work.

"It was really hard to explain to my boss what was happening behind closed doors because there was no physical violence at this point, it was purely control, but back then I didn't know what control was.

"Explaining it to someone is really, really hard and I was dismissed.  He sacked me on the spot."

"I managed to find another job but (my partner) would always call and bombard my phone, and if I didn't respond he would turn up unannounced, so again I was sacked."

"Reach out to anyone you can trust, anyone that you can open up to.

You're not on your own, there are services out there that can support you.

Our healing journeys are as personal and as unique as we are. It takes time, but there is life after abuse."

- Samantha Billingham, domestic abuse survivor and VAWG advocate.

She says she lost her sense of identity, belonging and purpose at this point.

"It was at that point when the control intensified.

"I was controlled when I went to the toilet. He would physically get into the bath with me -  I wasn't allowed to have a bath on my own. The only place I could go on my own was shopping, but I was bombarded with so many phone calls and text messages.

"[In the] early hours of one morning, I felt him get out of bed. He was outside the bedroom door and phoned me, and because he didn't hear it ring he came into the bedroom, picked me up, threw me across the room and again, another phone out of the window.

"I went out again with friends and when I got home he would make me take off my underwear so he could smell to see if I had sex with anyone else."

Samantha says coercive control is misunderstood and there are people in the situation, and even professionals, who do not know what it is.

"In that situation, I just believed everything he said to me.  He could have said the sky was green and the grass was blue.

"I tried to leave several times and he found me in the safe house, so I would always go back because he promised he would change, that he loved me and that it wouldn't happen again.

"In November 2006, he split my lip open whilst I was holding our 10-month-old daughter, and that was when I realised that wasn't a healthy environment to bring up our daughter in.

"She saved my life. Without her, in my mind, there would have been no reason to leave.

"On the Monday morning I went straight to the police station and reported the abuse, and found the strength and courage to leave because of her."

First and foremost, it's not your fault.

It's not your fault that it's happening.

It's not because of something you did.  It's not because of something you said or what you wore.

Domestic abuse happens because abusers choose to abuse  No one chooses to be in that situation."

- Samantha Billingham, domestic abuse survivor and VAWG advocate.